what grief looks like after ten months- or schitzophrenia day by day

Is this January of 2021?

Somehow I don't remember.  Was this a year ago?  I can't remember, actually I know that it is probably true, but I have these days....

 

Here's how my grief goes for me, I have these days when I am fine, burbling with humor and business.  Then come the black days, who knows when, or why, or how.  The suicidal hours, with those gray skies sitting around my shoulders, obscuring my future, challenging my past, so sad, so hard, so dreary and so lost.   So scary, so terrible, the bottom dropping out from under me.  Where am I and why am I here and where is he?  That mischievous cheeky stubborn sexy irreverent silly lodestone.  Where am I home now, when he's gone to stardust?  In 11 years will I decompose, or dissipate now, and dissolve later? 

 

Want to see him in his early manhood?  Before we met?   I'd add a photo, but photos is not working right now.  How about this- in our heyday. With Wayne Capalupo in Salisbury, MA at the Essex National Heritage Commission something.  We're enjoying the Salisbury scene.  Aren't we glamorous?  

See how we shine, our glory burning through the lense.  We rally had a great time through all the merda!!